Yesterday my brother's family came for dinner, so did my younger brother's girlfriend. My niece is eight now, my nephew almost six, and my other nephew almost two. Just when I thought I could rule them out for good, it seems I can't. My niece is thoughtful and articulate and jumped at the chance to help me make a cheesecake, as did my nephew. I had him and my brother in law's daughter help me make the crust by smashing graham crackers.
My brother in law's daughter is Kyrsten. Kyrsten is six, her mother is a good two years younger than me, and has four children. She skims welfare, uses drugs, and is regularly drunk around her children. As a result, we don't really drink beer around Kyrsten as it makes her wont to ask us if we're going to stop taking care of her. When Kyrsten was two, my sister in law's mother went to Kyrsten's house to pick her up, and found her playing in the street. In the middle of winter. Without a coat. And, like, supervision. When Connie asked Kyrsten's mom what the fuck that was all about, she said, "I just didn't feel like watching her." My guess is that her response to birth control is that she doesn't feel like being on it.
Kyrsten took to me, and as difficult as she could be at times, I showed her only patience and understanding, because I'm sure she doesn't get any of that on a regular basis. When she told me she was stupid, I told her that she was a very smart young lady and that we all make mistakes sometimes. I told her that she had the prettiest hair and that I loved her shoes.
She made an alarming number of comments about 'hot boys' and 'sexy girls' that leads me to believe she is either being or has been sexually abused. Her dad, my brother in law, has a record and is therefore not allowed custody. As big a slimeball as Josh can be, I'm sure he'd make a far better father than Kyrsten's mom (whose name escapes me...it's something trashy). I'm not sure what I can do, and I'm not sure how I'd do it from Chicago.
Anyhow, the kids were great and I'll hopefully post some pictures when I get home.
This morning, my mom made me bacon and eggs, I showed my parents how my mom's iPod works, my dad and I went to Starbucks and talked to some of their old friends, then my dad and I went to the liquor store for Cachaca, but they didn't have any suitable for me.
Later, my mom and I went to the fabric store and I picked out fabric for the reversible quilt/duvet she's going to make me as well as curtians. Are you surprised that I picked black, white, and grey? I'm not. When we came home, I introduced my parents to LOLCATS and then I took them to dinner at the Hofbrauhaus which was fun because it was just me and mom and dad. When dinner was done, and we were all pork and krauted out, we went to a big party store and I got good Cachaca there.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to hang out with Mary. I e-mailed her and asked if I could interview her. She more or less said no. She said I could interview her, but not really on camera. I understand it's nothing personal, but I'm still a little bit hurt. A lot of times I feel so betrayed by her and I just want to punch her in the tits. Hard. I want to be like, "Can't you PLEASE just do THIS ONE THING?"
And then I get stuck because I don't know how this is supposed to work. I don't want to go to her house tomorrow, but I don't want to go somewhere in public because that's just too much pressure. What's also really unhelpful is that we're almost exactly alike and when people are exactly like people like me and they try to hang out with me, someone usually ends up leaving with a bloody nose and you can bet my pretty face it ain't me.
Oh and did I mention that the more time I spend with her the more time I don't want to spend with her because I am terrified of her leaving AGAIN? I never cared how many times Hap Palmer sang 'My Mommy Comes Back' when I was little because I knew that just isn't fucking true.
Some days I just don't want to do this anymore. Some days I can't wait until my parents are dead so I can just say, "My parents are dead," and it's not that I want them to die, it's that it's just too complicated for me to be happy with sometimes. (That reminds me: Today in the car my mom asked me if I have a will and I was between saying, "What the fuck? Of course I don't! I'm 23!" and saying, "What the fuck? Of course I do! I'm 23!" I was also worried about saying yes and having my mother think that I'm suicidal or something becuase she won't stop going on about me drinking too much even though I told her that if I decide to become and alcoholic she'll be the first one to know. And honestly, I'm so not an alcoholic. I drink quite frequently, but I also happen to really like beer and wine. I don't buy cases of Bush and then pound them alone in the dark. I buy a bottle of Solañera and leave it on my counter for a week and then drink it in my bed when I'm writing a diary entry. There's a huge difference. And actually, that last part isn't [totally] true, it's in there for comic value. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just not.)
Anyway, my parents said they'd do the interview, so I'm hoping to interview them later on this weekend. Maybe my brothers.
Also of no relevance but of considerable significance is the fact that my parents have informed me that their house is haunted. My mom is the last to leave the house and the first to come home and there are always butt prints on the made beds. My parents often hear someone walking around upstairs when it's just the two of them in the house and they're together. When my brother's girlfriend watched the house while my parents were in Munich, she said she always heard someone walking around upstairs. AND. AND AND AND AND AND my little brother said our grandmother's ghost was sitting on his bed one night when he woke up and that 'Messenger of God' was playing on his iPod only that song's not on his iPod. I a) hope it's my Grandma Katie and b) that Grandma Katie doesn't hold grudges and c)That if it is her and I see her she doesn't do her magic teeth trick because it's one thing to see your dead grandma, but a totally different ball game to have her take her dentures out for you.
I THINK I'LL MOVE NOW TO A DIFFERENT PART OF THE HOUSE WHERE THE LIGHTS AREN'T FLICKERING.