tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63066659616927519472011-04-21T15:35:38.722-05:00half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.comBlogger401100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-76268133253865926412008-05-11T01:42:00.001-05:002008-05-11T01:42:36.085-05:00

I wrote this Mother's Day 2004.I will sleep until noon or beyond. I will eat cantaloupe and French bread for breakfast I will eat the same thing for dinner at ten. I will lay on my stomach in the bathtub, I will blow bubbles in the water. I will read books Make phonecalls Change my underwear Take my allergy medication Drink Starbucks Laugh. Tremble. I will carry on my day as I have for the past

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-33124389233871481422008-02-12T22:55:00.001-06:002008-02-12T22:56:51.480-06:00

You can find me here from now on.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-87347892167206333532008-02-12T00:57:00.001-06:002008-02-12T01:15:55.657-06:00

I find myself thinking of this blog and saying to myself, "It was better when..."When I didn't have the wind knocked out of me once, then twice.When I wrote candidly and explicitly about my thoughts.When it was attached to an e-mail address that I regularly checked.When I still sort of cared about it.I've tried to let the apathy wane. I've tried to resurrect this thing, but it's hard to get much

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-22278593255192232052008-01-29T01:58:00.000-06:002008-01-29T02:33:50.585-06:00

So, the Marine Corps.I've gotten all kinds of weird reactions to the very mentioning of consideration for such a thing. My parents are steadfastly against it. I told my father, and then my mother. In explaining things to my mother, she seemed...not supportive, but not outright against it like my dad. Then, the next day, I awoke to find an e-mail in my inbox from her Re: Reality Check.I

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-36468270407485195852008-01-14T00:52:00.000-06:002008-01-14T00:59:36.373-06:00

So that job I hated? It's over now. And in its place? NOT ONE FUCKING THING."Oh no!" you might be saying. But really? I am ten times happier at this moment than I was a week ago today.I am planning to remain unemployed for the rest of January (because my severance package says I can), do fuck all in February, and then spend a month in Nicaragua outlining my life and maybe occasionally

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-23554156268215935802008-01-04T10:41:00.000-06:002008-01-04T11:34:55.580-06:00

I'm sort of seeing this guy. I'm pretty crazy about him in a lot of respects, but not crazy in that I'm falling all over myself just thinking about him--more like I sit and talk with him and think, "Why don't more people like this exist?" We have our reservations though. We're beyond him not being white (thought I'm not sure if 'beyond' is the right term since it was never something I had to

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-73236533350827054852008-01-02T15:55:00.000-06:002008-01-02T16:59:48.244-06:00

Do I really need to link Mama2Roo on this?OK. Now. Part of the reason I'm doing this is to...make myself more accessible. I suppose I'm not that closed off, I'm quite emotionally available in my posts, but I feel like it's more in regards to adoption and to nothing else. I'm known more as a pissed off adoptee than as...whatever I 'really' am? I don't know that much is known about me outside

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-76428637133652184612008-01-02T11:33:00.001-06:002008-01-02T12:07:07.906-06:00

Oh, the New Year... I rung you in with a shower, sweatpants, and Martini and Rossi with homemade grenadine. There was that potato leek tart, bacon wrapped shrimp, butter pecan bread, and misbehavior with boys who are so much of what I want and nothing that I need.I don't 'make resolutions'. I just. don't. But admittedly, I'm using the start of 2008 as sort of a pistol to start the race.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-17636618236152015342007-12-28T13:06:00.000-06:002007-12-28T13:16:14.818-06:00

My latest endeavor is making a sour cream cake that is to be sliced in half length-wise and filled with lime curd I made earlier in the week. Then I will frost the whole shebang with cream cheese frosting. Because when I'm not reading adoption blogs or LOLCATS or Freakonomics, I'm usually reading food blogs. And now I'm covering the cake with foil because my parents are pinko Commie fucks who

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-16326372647763166692007-12-27T00:00:00.000-06:002007-12-27T00:51:44.522-06:00

You're not going to believe this, but for once in my life, I actually have time to be doing this. I have all the god damn time in the world. Because for some reason, I thought I'd spend seven of my twelve days off in Cincinnati.What a horrible idea that's turned out to be. At least my roommates have pot. At home, I can't have a glass of wine without my mother expressing great concern about me

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-49096794650355336772007-12-17T14:41:00.000-06:002007-12-17T14:45:30.848-06:00

I finished this a few days ago, but for whatever reason, I couldn't get it to embed. I don't know if that was Safari or what. But here it is. I left (and am going to leave) out my commentary, but you can probably guess what parts kind of make me go O RLY.In general though, I think this video pretty excellently presents my case that regardless of the adoption experience, regardless of the

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-11462168495437581322007-12-13T16:48:00.000-06:002007-12-13T16:53:19.382-06:00

I totally failed at NoIsNaAdBeMo.I still plan on posting the movie. I hope I can get that done tonight, but I found out today that one of my good friends from college killed himself last week, AND I'm seeing someone AND I need to break up with him ASAP because he's a Philistine and I'm an elitist, AND requisite holiday drinking is here, AND I have to do laundry, AND I either need to cook my pork

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-36924962683046202832007-11-25T11:11:00.000-06:002007-11-25T11:12:17.493-06:00

I did not write yesterday because I stayed at Mary's until just before 2. We didn't really do much other than talk and order pizza and drink Caiprinhas.I suppose there's always so much to say about my visits and talks with her, but I never really find myself wanting to share it, not sure if I want to retell the stories that are mine and that I've waited so long to hear. They're the only things

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-32776735292031086222007-11-23T22:24:00.000-06:002007-11-23T22:26:49.157-06:00

Yesterday my brother's family came for dinner, so did my younger brother's girlfriend. My niece is eight now, my nephew almost six, and my other nephew almost two. Just when I thought I could rule them out for good, it seems I can't. My niece is thoughtful and articulate and jumped at the chance to help me make a cheesecake, as did my nephew. I had him and my brother in law's daughter help me

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-69721423725742768622007-11-21T19:22:00.000-06:002007-11-21T19:23:49.835-06:00

This is what I'm talking about when I start a story with 'When my parents got me...'

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-49344316157268599562007-11-20T17:43:00.000-06:002007-11-20T17:45:51.164-06:00

I don't have a lot of time to write today, but here's a sneak preview of what will hopefully come:Hoodie Hoo Parents,In the online journaling/blogging community, there's this thing that people decide to do in November called November Journaling Month, or 'NoJoMo', wherein the participant writes one entry a day for the entire month. I think there might be some sort of a word count requirement,

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-69057644847154792492007-11-16T23:17:00.001-06:002007-11-16T23:17:39.528-06:00

This is to say that I've decided to keep going with NoIsNaAdBeMo. I know that I'm making people think and making them see what I see, even if it's still a little bit cloudy.It's also to say that my back hurts and I am very sleepy.Stay tuned though. I've got great things planned for the rest of the month.GREAT things.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-79694413349629845292007-11-15T10:07:00.000-06:002007-11-15T10:08:26.914-06:00

Guess who’s back sellin’ that shake like seizure?It was brought to my attention recently, both by a dear friend and sort of by myself, that maybe all this writing about adoption isn’t about the best idea.I’m torn.I’m incredibly depressed lately, but only in fits. Like last night when I was overcome by god knows what and decided that the first thing I should do today is add beneficiaries to all

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-85482252479802392632007-11-14T11:40:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:50:12.585-06:00

I did not write yesterday and I don't know that I really care. (For those of you keeping up with me via Blogger, I actually have written every day, but I haven't posted a few here because it reveals too much about my life and I can't have that shit on a page operated by Google.) I had the longest, roughest, most racist days of my life. Actually, it wasn't even that bad, but HOW LONG DO WE HAVE

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-28241440982708392112007-11-12T23:40:00.001-06:002007-11-12T23:45:56.694-06:00

I know I use drinking as an excuse a lot, and I swear to god I'm not an alcoholic, but tonight it's special because I am drinking and VERY tired because I had exboyfriend blues last night as I was trying to sleep and serious back pain on top of that which forced me into the fetal position. (Yes, getting hit by a Land Rover will make you feel even more broken on top of feeling unworthy.) So

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-26093473559665736242007-11-11T20:15:00.001-06:002007-11-11T20:15:23.617-06:00

As much as I'd like to avoid writing this entry so that I can make cheddar biscuits and eat some lentil soup, the fact of the matter is, I'm drinking wine and I'll get drunker if I don't fill my stomach with wholesome food. Another reason is that, believe it or not, sometimes I have a tough time organizing my thoughts so that they are clear and flow well and make sense, even though that's

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-27418956532421236732007-11-10T18:26:00.001-06:002007-11-10T18:26:46.444-06:00

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-17597185567514697452007-11-10T00:13:00.000-06:002007-11-10T00:14:12.879-06:00

You're right. You don't understand me. Nobody does. I doubt anybody ever will. And you say that adoption isn't inherently evil? Well, you can't even talk to me. It hinders communication. It dictates your feelings for me.I'm sorry that I'm over that an you're not.Forget statistics.Forget proof.You have had me.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-83761563024240600762007-11-08T22:57:00.000-06:002007-11-08T23:18:24.814-06:00

My NoIsNaAdBeMo almost went like this:Today I came home from work and did three bong hits and then drank half a bottle of Pinot Noir and then made a burger with sautéed onions and fresh thyme with a fried egg on top and also Amish cheese (on wheat!), and potato wedges and asparagus and then I ate five Krispy Kremes and just sat in the dim of my living room listening to Novocain by Beck and

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-56835657570444710512007-11-06T16:58:00.000-06:002007-11-06T17:01:14.134-06:00

Once again, I’m going to respond to a note. This really pretty much is what I’d hoped would happen, that people would note and be like, “CHALLENGE!” and then I’d be like, “REBUTTAL!” Also, nobody can really argue with me today because I am wearing red patent leather shoes. Also, the note has been edited for brevity and all the pertinent points left in.I guess what I'm confused most about is

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-8321648928499263012007-11-05T17:40:00.000-06:002007-11-05T17:41:36.415-06:00

Adoption comes up in regular conversation a surprising amount, and in a way, more than I’d like for it to. It’s not that I mind discussing it, discussing my opinion of it, discussing my and others’ experiences with it. I don’t mind those things in and of themselves. The problem I have is when I become the Bad Guy. People seem to take this attitude with me that my opinion is somehow inherently

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-65992035460304458962007-11-04T17:47:00.000-06:002007-11-04T17:51:34.360-06:00

This is sort of a cop-out entry but not quite. I have a major accreditation exam tomorrow that I need to study for. I've made about 400 flashcards, and I read over major points, recorded them in Quicktime, exported to MP3, and put them on my iPod so I can listen while I make gazpacho and zucchini bread for dinner.Anyhow, this is the most recent letter Mary has sent me:I am very grateful that I

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-44404345193683943302007-11-03T16:46:00.001-05:002007-11-03T16:57:38.262-05:00

When I decided to do NoIsNaAdBeMo, I was hoping that it would open up a dialog instead of me just saying that I hate adoption all the time and people not knowing what to say all the time. I do encourage the asking of questions and I do encourage the leaving of comments because then I will use those notes as prompts. Like this one:I don't want to belittle your pain at all, but I wouldn't be so

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-28665762865010578052007-11-01T23:37:00.000-05:002007-11-01T23:38:15.775-05:00

Everyone has one: It usually starts out with something about a blizzard, something you don't normally give a second thought to but in this one, life-changing instance, could prove to be catastrophic. "We were just going to get a pizza," your mother says, "-but the snow was just too much for our little green Datsun, and we ended up stuck in a snow drift!" continues your mother. "We were sitting

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-90060669754112261762007-10-29T14:34:00.000-05:002007-10-29T16:08:33.430-05:00

I just wrote a giant freak-nasty post and SOMETHING HAPPENED and it's GONE. All I really wanted was this:Since November is National Adoption ABewareness Month, and also the month of my birthday AND my adoption, I thought I'd participate in the NoJoMo. I'm going to need some prompts and suggestions and some questions and whatnot. So if you could do me that little favor, I promise I will deliver

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-8015120011778670652007-10-06T23:10:00.000-05:002007-10-06T23:27:45.617-05:00

I'm not quite positive of its origin, but it's there. It could be sexual abuse, it could be depression, it could be adoption. It could be the lethal combination of all three, a delicate strata of tragic circumstances. Given my penchant for reading and re-reading books on adoption (and then re-reading them again to make sure that I didn't myself write them), I'm pretty sure it is adoption.It's

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-44392622140605441812007-10-05T09:44:00.000-05:002007-10-05T09:46:52.964-05:00

Outfuckingstanding.In other news, yes, I am still alive, very much in physical therapy. I've been kind of staying away from adoption lately. The last blow was a crushing one. I'm not sure where I want to go or how I might like to get there.Bear with me.Or not. I'm used to it.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-17890602398047060012007-09-10T00:59:00.000-05:002007-09-10T01:00:03.160-05:00

I would give anything. Right now.I'd give it.To not be adopted.Shut the fuck up.SHUT.THE FUCK.UP.You will NEVER undestand.I just want someone to fucking WANT me.I want someone to love me.Not because they have to.Not because they want to.Because I'm fucking THEIRS.

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-77277515417630901542007-09-04T12:50:00.000-05:002007-09-04T13:54:09.866-05:00

Things around here are a little bit odd, a little bit fucked up. I moved this weekend, I was hit by a Land Rover the weekend before, I've been on Vicodin, I've been drinking while on Vicodin, and I'm a little intimidated by my own postings here.I've wanted to post, I've had a lot to say, but I've been keeping it in, or trying to have a discussion about it that only ends in me quietly saying

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-35215929979262719462007-08-29T16:28:00.000-05:002007-08-29T16:31:11.092-05:00

I had all this stuff lined up to write about and then I was at a bar on Friday night when a Land Rover drove into the bar and, consequently, into me. I have all this time on my hands, and nothing to do, but Vicodin doesn't really lend itself to articulation. Oh, and did I mention that I'm supposed to move on Saturday? I didn't? Well, I'm supposed to move on Saturday. I can't fucking wait for

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-84841565462660461572007-08-07T17:24:00.001-05:002007-08-07T17:37:45.755-05:00

This is going to be a hard post to post by virtue of the fact that it deals directly with my name, which I'm not so in to posting. So for the sake of the post, let's say that my name is...Mildred.Mildred is what I've always gone by, however, that's not my legal name. My legal name is something like Anastasia Claire Bentley, however, I've never gone by Anastasia.What I'd really like to do is

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-69865974573463553372007-08-06T02:08:00.000-05:002007-08-06T02:09:42.853-05:00

A year ago today, I was on top of Mauna Kea chasing around federally protected birds with my boyfriend. A year later, I think back to that day, to that trip, to the days we spent under towels on the beach, whispering and kissing, and I only wonder what I could have possibly done to fuck it all up. I sob in the shower, long past the point when the water's run cold, the only thing permeating is

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-57088954807725321482007-08-04T13:26:00.000-05:002007-08-04T14:41:36.744-05:00

I'm not one to be overly sensitive about comments that people make, especially if the comment they make is a joke. I think that political correctness has run amok and that most 'PC' terms are just euphemisms. I remember, in my retail days, blatantly balking at a manager when I was reprimanded for saying 'black' instead of 'African-American'. First of all, when did the term 'black' equate with

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-78409627334165904742007-07-29T23:52:00.000-05:002007-07-30T00:11:45.322-05:00

It's hard to know what to write when you don't know that you can write. I don't want to censor myself, and I write unapologetically because there is nothing to apologize for. This is my line, this is eternal.I explained that the point of this blog, the voice of this blog, is produced such that I look like the asshole I feel like. It is designed to exacerbate the inferiority I fear and

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306665961692751947.post-1459016340439438922007-07-29T22:06:00.000-05:002007-07-29T22:37:55.287-05:00

This blog existed previously, but that project was aborted for several reasons. To give the reader a frame of reference, these posts have been salvaged and compiled into one big superpost, starting with the earliest post. For the sake of time and convenience, they are still in their roughest form and contain typos and other errors. For this, the author apologizes.28 April 2007I am adopted.My

half&halfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15247593179494420027noreply@blogger.com2